"Scars" Written June 28, 2012

I lie awake,

Long after you go to sleep.

I'm still awake at day break.

Thoughts still consuming me.

I know you meant no harm,

You did nothing wrong.

It's all my fault,

I believed in you for too long.

Now I look in the mirror,

Scared of everything that is me.

The scars are becoming clearer,

Soon they will be all that you can see. 

"How Many Times" Written June 24, 2012

How many times have you done this to me?
How many times have I been blamed?
You tell me I'm overreacting,
I'm the bad guy, it's always the same.

How many times have you not cared?
How many times have I wanted you there?
How many times can you break my heart,
More blame on my shoulders than I can bare.

How many times have you yelled at me?
How many times have you done the same thing?
Yet I do it once and everyone sees,
That I'm the bad guy and you're so sweet.

You yelled at me for leaving,
But you have left me before,
So this one time I'm not believing,
That next time you'll walk through that door.

They blame me for everything,
But when you never show, they are blind.
I guess I'm still overreacting,
To ever think your love could be kind.

How many times must I hurt?
How many times must I fight?
You shove my face in the dirt,
Ask me what it's like to feel alive.

How many times must I be left crying?
How many times will you walk away?
I get blamed cause my love for you is dying,
You're so innocent, but not to me!

"Stay With Me" Written June19, 2012

Stay with me,
So the silence isn't so loud.
Stay with me,
So I don't have to drownd these thoughts out.

I'd like to tell you,
How you sitting here fights off the cold,
And I'd like to tell you,
The times we're alone gazing at the stars, they never get old.

If we ran,
From all the pain in our lives
And if we ran,
Would we find paradise?

Maybe I'm blind,
To think that there's always a way to escape.
And maybe I'm blind,
I guess it's just easier to live life that way.

You always told me,
How an angel is looking over me,
And you always told me,
If something's alright, let it be.

They don't understand,
How people can bond like family,
And they don't understand,
How one person can set my heart free.

They took you away,
Dragging us apart unwillingly.
And they took you away,
Reminding me of Romeo and Juliet.

I miss you,
The way you could calm the storm,
And I miss you,
Angels are found in many forms.

"Take Me As I Am" Written June 2, 2012

I’m insane in my own way,

Dysfunctional is the way I work,

I rather play in the mud then walk down a runway,

Just caring about how I am not how I look.

Still looking for someone to take me as I am,

Cause right now my heart’s a runaway,

Relaxed with a side of crazy,

Wishing I could be in the arms of someone.

I don’t want a lover,

I want life-long companion,

Being able to sit under the sun,

Without the pressure and temptation.

"Drown in The Rain" Written May 11, 2012

Dear all of my friends from here,

I dont wanna leave you behind.

It's been only one year,

Yet this just doesn't feel right.

Cause I was happy where I am,

I didn't want to leave again.

But now the sadness brings more pain,

And I have no choice,

I have no choice.

But to drown in the rain.

I had a future here,

But now it's so unclear.

I thought I was so tough,

Now I'm wandering if I should give up.

I don't know where to go from here,

The road's still fogged over.

As I tremble in fear,

Knowing that I'm all alone,

No one can save me now.

Cause I was happy where I am,

I didn't want to leave again.

But now the sadness brings more pain,

And I have no choice,

I have no choice.

But to drown in the rain.

And I know after the storm,

A rainbow will show its color.

But its been way too long,

Since I knew who I saw the mirror.

My friends, I dont want to go,

To a place so far from home. 

...

Cause I was happy where I am,

I didn't want to leave again.

But now the sadness brings more pain,

And I have no choice,

I have no choice.

But to drown in the rain.

"All Alone" Written April 22, 2012

(You know every life has got it's difficulties,

The ones people hide and the ones they let you see.

They've always made stories,

Just waiting for a new reader.)

And I collapse from exhaustion,

Couldn't sleep from paranoia.

Always trapped in confusion,

And consumed by hystaria.

And I don't think I could take back,

All the things I said,

Always destroyed by my past,

Cause it keeps running through my head.

And I don't want to be here anymore,

Always alone in the darkness,

Never getting the guts to open the door,

To try to find happiness.

Can I break down,

For you now,

System over load,

I'm about to drown.

I think I'm losing my voice,

From all the screaming,

Always making just white noise,

A sound everyone's always ignoring.

No one knows I sit and cry at night,

Letting the thoughts consume me,

No distractions to keep my mind,

From taking everything.

~fin~

Note to the reader: I know quite a few people out there who hide problems and then shed them as tears into a pillow. This is a note to all of you out there. I love you. I got your back. I'll listen to you scream until my ears ring; I will hold you as you cry until I'm drowning in the river of tears. I've been there; I've screamed till my throat was numb and my eyes held no more tears. You're not alone. 

"Inner Demons Let Loose" A Poem Supporting Anti-Bullying

I'm a very creepy child,

Monsters screaming in my head,

The nightmares will run wild,

Don't look under your bed. >:)

I have my skeletons hidden in the closet,

And wear an evil grin,

Everytime I add one to my collection.

My fun will never end.

Creepy music playing in the background,

Keeping beat with my faint heart,

Trapping you, paralyzed, in a cellar beneath the ground,

Until the darkness tears your mind apart.

Maybe first it'll be your eyes,

That you tear out after you've gone insane,

Then after you've become blind,

I'll keep poking at your brain!

Maybe after that I'll cut your limbs,

Dismember you as you scream.

Then I'll sew them on again,

But in the wrong places this time!

I'll make you run across hot coals,

Listening to you scream.

Hearing the nerves burn in your souls,

Oh, the burning of your feet.

Next I'll bind your arms behind you,

And then hook you up and lift you off the ground,

With a few jerks, your shoulders dislocate,

Only of the human weaknesses I've found.

Maybe I'll have target practice with your head,

And then I'll purposely miss,

You are now my little meat puppet.

And I will do with you what I wish.

No one will look at you the same now,

Limbs in the wrong place and an arrow through your head,

Insane eyes, and blood and dirt caking your brow.

This is your home where you will forever exist.

I remember when you made fun of me,

Way back when,

All because I was diseased.

Oh, sweet revenge.

So now you cry here at my feet,

And I poke you with a stick,

You lift your head and grind your teeth,

Trying to endure the pain I've laid on thick.

I've made you the same on the outside as you were on the inside,

A monster no one wants to look at,

You're pretty face is ruined and out of your empty eye sockets you cry,

You're everything you made fun of, imagine that.

~fin~

A note to the reader:

This is a grusome poem, I'll admit that. But it has a meaning that is revealed in the last few verses. This is an anti-bully poem. I wrote this because there are a lot of cruel people out there, and eventually someone needs to speak up. :)