"Scars" Written June 28, 2012

I lie awake,

Long after you go to sleep.

I'm still awake at day break.

Thoughts still consuming me.

I know you meant no harm,

You did nothing wrong.

It's all my fault,

I believed in you for too long.

Now I look in the mirror,

Scared of everything that is me.

The scars are becoming clearer,

Soon they will be all that you can see. 

"How Many Times" Written June 24, 2012

How many times have you done this to me?
How many times have I been blamed?
You tell me I'm overreacting,
I'm the bad guy, it's always the same.

How many times have you not cared?
How many times have I wanted you there?
How many times can you break my heart,
More blame on my shoulders than I can bare.

How many times have you yelled at me?
How many times have you done the same thing?
Yet I do it once and everyone sees,
That I'm the bad guy and you're so sweet.

You yelled at me for leaving,
But you have left me before,
So this one time I'm not believing,
That next time you'll walk through that door.

They blame me for everything,
But when you never show, they are blind.
I guess I'm still overreacting,
To ever think your love could be kind.

How many times must I hurt?
How many times must I fight?
You shove my face in the dirt,
Ask me what it's like to feel alive.

How many times must I be left crying?
How many times will you walk away?
I get blamed cause my love for you is dying,
You're so innocent, but not to me!

"Stay With Me" Written June19, 2012

Stay with me,
So the silence isn't so loud.
Stay with me,
So I don't have to drownd these thoughts out.

I'd like to tell you,
How you sitting here fights off the cold,
And I'd like to tell you,
The times we're alone gazing at the stars, they never get old.

If we ran,
From all the pain in our lives
And if we ran,
Would we find paradise?

Maybe I'm blind,
To think that there's always a way to escape.
And maybe I'm blind,
I guess it's just easier to live life that way.

You always told me,
How an angel is looking over me,
And you always told me,
If something's alright, let it be.

They don't understand,
How people can bond like family,
And they don't understand,
How one person can set my heart free.

They took you away,
Dragging us apart unwillingly.
And they took you away,
Reminding me of Romeo and Juliet.

I miss you,
The way you could calm the storm,
And I miss you,
Angels are found in many forms.

"Take Me As I Am" Written June 2, 2012

I’m insane in my own way,

Dysfunctional is the way I work,

I rather play in the mud then walk down a runway,

Just caring about how I am not how I look.

Still looking for someone to take me as I am,

Cause right now my heart’s a runaway,

Relaxed with a side of crazy,

Wishing I could be in the arms of someone.

I don’t want a lover,

I want life-long companion,

Being able to sit under the sun,

Without the pressure and temptation.

"Drown in The Rain" Written May 11, 2012

Dear all of my friends from here,

I dont wanna leave you behind.

It's been only one year,

Yet this just doesn't feel right.

Cause I was happy where I am,

I didn't want to leave again.

But now the sadness brings more pain,

And I have no choice,

I have no choice.

But to drown in the rain.

I had a future here,

But now it's so unclear.

I thought I was so tough,

Now I'm wandering if I should give up.

I don't know where to go from here,

The road's still fogged over.

As I tremble in fear,

Knowing that I'm all alone,

No one can save me now.

Cause I was happy where I am,

I didn't want to leave again.

But now the sadness brings more pain,

And I have no choice,

I have no choice.

But to drown in the rain.

And I know after the storm,

A rainbow will show its color.

But its been way too long,

Since I knew who I saw the mirror.

My friends, I dont want to go,

To a place so far from home. 

...

Cause I was happy where I am,

I didn't want to leave again.

But now the sadness brings more pain,

And I have no choice,

I have no choice.

But to drown in the rain.

"All Alone" Written April 22, 2012

(You know every life has got it's difficulties,

The ones people hide and the ones they let you see.

They've always made stories,

Just waiting for a new reader.)

And I collapse from exhaustion,

Couldn't sleep from paranoia.

Always trapped in confusion,

And consumed by hystaria.

And I don't think I could take back,

All the things I said,

Always destroyed by my past,

Cause it keeps running through my head.

And I don't want to be here anymore,

Always alone in the darkness,

Never getting the guts to open the door,

To try to find happiness.

Can I break down,

For you now,

System over load,

I'm about to drown.

I think I'm losing my voice,

From all the screaming,

Always making just white noise,

A sound everyone's always ignoring.

No one knows I sit and cry at night,

Letting the thoughts consume me,

No distractions to keep my mind,

From taking everything.

~fin~

Note to the reader: I know quite a few people out there who hide problems and then shed them as tears into a pillow. This is a note to all of you out there. I love you. I got your back. I'll listen to you scream until my ears ring; I will hold you as you cry until I'm drowning in the river of tears. I've been there; I've screamed till my throat was numb and my eyes held no more tears. You're not alone. 

"Inner Demons Let Loose" A Poem Supporting Anti-Bullying

I'm a very creepy child,

Monsters screaming in my head,

The nightmares will run wild,

Don't look under your bed. >:)

I have my skeletons hidden in the closet,

And wear an evil grin,

Everytime I add one to my collection.

My fun will never end.

Creepy music playing in the background,

Keeping beat with my faint heart,

Trapping you, paralyzed, in a cellar beneath the ground,

Until the darkness tears your mind apart.

Maybe first it'll be your eyes,

That you tear out after you've gone insane,

Then after you've become blind,

I'll keep poking at your brain!

Maybe after that I'll cut your limbs,

Dismember you as you scream.

Then I'll sew them on again,

But in the wrong places this time!

I'll make you run across hot coals,

Listening to you scream.

Hearing the nerves burn in your souls,

Oh, the burning of your feet.

Next I'll bind your arms behind you,

And then hook you up and lift you off the ground,

With a few jerks, your shoulders dislocate,

Only of the human weaknesses I've found.

Maybe I'll have target practice with your head,

And then I'll purposely miss,

You are now my little meat puppet.

And I will do with you what I wish.

No one will look at you the same now,

Limbs in the wrong place and an arrow through your head,

Insane eyes, and blood and dirt caking your brow.

This is your home where you will forever exist.

I remember when you made fun of me,

Way back when,

All because I was diseased.

Oh, sweet revenge.

So now you cry here at my feet,

And I poke you with a stick,

You lift your head and grind your teeth,

Trying to endure the pain I've laid on thick.

I've made you the same on the outside as you were on the inside,

A monster no one wants to look at,

You're pretty face is ruined and out of your empty eye sockets you cry,

You're everything you made fun of, imagine that.

~fin~

A note to the reader:

This is a grusome poem, I'll admit that. But it has a meaning that is revealed in the last few verses. This is an anti-bully poem. I wrote this because there are a lot of cruel people out there, and eventually someone needs to speak up. :)

"I've Had Enough" Written March 18, 2012

I don't think I need your help,

Messing up my life,

Telling me to go to Hell,

Even giving me a free chariot ride.

Who do you think you are?

Thinking you can make me give myself to you.

Without you I will go far,

Without the stress of being tied down to you.

And then you say that I went crazy,

Leavin' you, What was I thinking?

My heart was made up I just need someone to say,

This isnt what I'm deserving.

So go on now call me all the names you want,

Being so immature,

But this is my life that you're lusting after,

I want to try and stay pure.

And then you would try to guilt me into it,

Didn't know that I was smart enough.

To just let you go,

Say I've had enough.

"No Longer Your Love" Written March 17, 2012

I'm just a fifteen year old girl,

Stuck in my own little world,

When you tried to fit in there,

My brain was in control, my heart was scared.

I don't need anyone to be happy,

I don't need a guy standing here beside me.

Trust me I've tried,

To rely on them, but my heart was denied.

I'm standing on my own again,

Stepped off the road with you to pave a new way.

Through uncharted lands,

My heart is mine to defend.

Don't need a knight or his noble steed,

My friends, my family that's all I need.

When my knight turned into a dragon,

My heart was nervous and slowly breaking.

Maybe my self-esteem isn't at an all-time high,

I'm not perfect but that's alright.

Maybe one day I'll find a guy who sees through my flaws,

One who has love instead of greedy paws.

But until them I'll watch the sun set through my own eyes,

I won't have to live through the lies.

Consider me gone by morning,

I don't want to be tied down anymore, darling.

So why don't you let your heart forget me?

And stop trying to love me.

I'm just a girl, not your fate,

Please move on it's not too late.

I'll pull my mask up so you can't see my face,

Open the door and walk away.

Just let me go, you never faught for me in the first place,

Time for me to break away.

It's better to be unhappy alone,

Than to be happy with someone who stole away your hope.

I want to be free counting the stars,

Knowing there's nothing to change where we turned out.

I can't calm the storm you've brought on yourself,

I can't help the fact you didnt listen to my cry for help.Don't cry for me or the lack of,

I'm no longer your love.

Possible Song... "Don't let it slip by" Written March 5, 2012

One Mississippi,

Two Mississippi,

Three Mississippi,Oh!

Don't let your life slip by,

Holding onto empty feelings.

Don't curse the world tonight,

Unless you know you mean it.

You've got a lot going for you.

Everything you take for granted.

Lets show the world what it means to you,C'mon just take my hand. Yeah.

Don't let the seconds get away.

It's as simple as one, two, three

"About Me" Written February 29, 2012

There's a lot about me people don't know,

A lot of emotions I will never show.

Like those nights all I can do is sit and cry,

And I can't sleep so I get to watch the dark turn to light through my sleepy eyes.

And maybe math isn't my specialty,

The a plus b equals c means nothing to me.

But you hand me a pencil and tell me to write what's on my heart,

And I finish up, no time flat, and hand you a piece of art.

I love my parents, they helped me grow up,

But there have been times when all I can think to do is run.

I have the greatest friends someone could ask for,

They keep me here to live a while more.

"You Don't Know" Written February 27, 2012

These are the times I wish I could complain,

But you still dont believe me, it's always the same,

I apologised for the lies,

But I still think you just try to accuse me while you say you're on my side.

And so what?! I'm weak,

But I've learned not to say anything until I'm bleeding.

Life is harder than it used to be,

With all the drama, the lies, and the bullying.

You say that the bullying just means that they notice me,

But you're not the victum, you werent even at the scene.

So in my eyes you have no room to speak,

You have no idea what it's like to be me.

You never lived with the disease,

Or the pain or the thought that your life could end when you're not ready to leave.

I'm scared of this world and what it can do to me,

But theres a time where you just gotta come clean.

I've got scar tissue building up from IVs,

Every day I bleed and bleed just to get an accurate reading,

And sometimes you yell at me if I'm forgetful,

Because my lifes on the line so I cant be human.

"Why?" Written February 26, 2012

There are people in this world that you would die for,

But then they look at you through life's blindfold.

They've been blind by tears, but when you try to save them,They turn their backs and run away from you.

And maybe all these words I'm speaking are gibberish,

Cause you might not speak the caring languge,

I've been told I've got a heart of gold,

But when I fail to get through to you I feel so broken.

I've got a past that isn't clean,

But to me my past is just a memory,

It doesnt control the future me,

I will strive to live with all of my being.

But watching you throw your life away,

Just hurts inside like no other pain.

It's a pain I've been through time and time before,

When a friend of mine just cant take anymore.

So I reach out,

To you now,

But you withdraw,

And so you fall.

You keep trying to find the happiness but you run away from it,

You hate this life when youre the one who built it.

You know the thought of losing you makes me feel sick,

But its hard for me to give up and say I'm over it.

I'd hate to let you go with out a word,

You say you'll let me go so it doesnt hurt,

But you know that this is just not the way,

When tomorrow everything might be okay.

So you lift the bottle and pull the trigger,

It was just a waste of time for me to be here,

None of my words ever occured to you,

That there are people here for when you feel like you're through.

Maybe its time for us to split up,

Cause now my heart is having a hard time keeping up.

Youre just a mess who wont accept help,

And instead of living in peace, you made your own version of Hell.

"You Shot The First Bullet"

The tears I cry are for you,

For the many songs you sang.

My arms out stretched toward you,

Just feel to feel you fade away.

What happened to my happy place,

Wrapped in your arms?

Is there no place I can stay,

To be surrounded by warmth?

Why do I feel,

Like you took my heart and you know it?

Love's a battlefield,

And you shot the first bullet.

So I'm already wounded,

When you found me.

You cradled me in your arms,

And sing me to sleep.

But not long after,

You strike me with your whip of lies.

You walk away from me,

As your love for me dies.

I stood there like a child,

Left alone in a solitary home.

By the time I cried out,

You were already gone.

"You're Not The Only One" Written January 2,2012

I know I can't make you take back,

All the things you said.

I know sometimes you feel like,

You have no future ahead.

I know what you've been feeling,

The smile you wear is fake,

You do something rediculous,

Just so people know your name.

I know it's true,

Cause I've felt that way too.

You think you're all alone now,

You don't know what to do,

One a stone, you write out,

All the things you wish they knew.

Why do you blame them,

For letting you go?

When you didn't lift a finger,

To keep them close?

So tell me now have you heard,

Of all the things I did?

The mistakes, and the heart breaks,

The things left unsaid.

A year ago I didn't know,

If I'd be alive today.

My body was wearing down,

My life fading away.

You're not the only one,

Who's life hasn't been what they want,

Now just stop complaining,

There's no point, I'm being blunt.

I'm still alive today,

You may hate me,

But for you, I still have faith,

Maybe one day you'll see.

There are people worse off then you,

So if you keep complaining,

You'll never see what this life could be,

A glass half full instead of half empty.

"Another Christmas Poem" Written December 22, 2011

Presents disappearing under the christmas tree,

On the chiminy mantle, hang two stockings.

On the table a plate of cookies,

And the time is filled with sweet memories.

Churches sing the songs of Christ,

Childeren play in the snow so white,

Just waiting for that special night,

To sit in front of the fire so bright.

The night, Christmas eve. 

"I See Things" Written December 20, 2011

You see a blue ocean full of life,

I see a shark ready to eat me.

You see a simple kitchen knife,

I see a weapon at a crime scene.

You see a scared child,

I see myself in the mirror.

You watch as your future goes wild,

I watch as lies become clearer.

You see a simple fire place,

I see a house in flames.

May all your dead rest in peace,

I can't remember half of mine's names.

A pessmistic tale this is indeed,

And of coarse it must come to an end.

Just look at the brighter things,

And you wont end up like me,

Scared of living out of fear of death.

"Not regretting" Written November 20, 2011

My life's been falling apart,

Ever since I left you.

But now I've repaired my heart,

I've got better things to do,

Than to waste my life regretting leaving you.

I've found new love,

That's more true than you ever were.

I'll stand strong for whats to come,

I wont be jealous of her.

I'm not regretting leaving you.

I won't let you get to me,

The way you did before,

The way you had me,

Like I was your little whore.

No more.

I see the way you look at me,

The way you never say a thing,

Maybe this time you'll believe,

I'm no longer sorry.

Not regretting leaving you.

Go cry to her now,

I'm not your shoulder to cry on anymore,

She can put up with you somehow,

Love is a battlefield, not a war.

Still not regretting leaving you.

"Maximum Destruction" Written August 27, 2011

I've got a heart

I've got a memory,

I can remember who hurt me.

I can remember not too long ago,

We were friends,

Til u left me at the door,

Well......

you cant get rid of me,

That easy.

Try to come back,

And you'll be running down the wrong track.

Maximum destruction,

You havent seen nothing yet,

You broke my heart,

That you'll soon regret.

"Can't Let You Go" Written August 9, 2011

I'm thinking of you again tonight,

Wanting to be alone,

Cause no one can fill the gaping void,

That you made making me unwhole.

I'll never love another like you,

And there's no one else who could capture my heart,

Without you I'm so blind,

My love for you is tearing me apart.

My life was like a stain-glass window,

That you decided to crush.

But I continue to wish I was with you,

My life's in a rush.

I can't love anyone,

Like I loved you.

There is not a single soul,

Who loved me like you used to.

So I'll continue loving you,

Until I fade away,

There's nothing else I can do,

And no more I can say...